Today when I woke up, it was after a night of good sleep. I didn’t have to pick up my phone. I knew I shouldn’t. Yet I did.
I don’t know if it was habit, or momentum, or inertia. At some level, I know that I haven’t been having a good last few days. I also know that phones are part of the reason. And I also know that checking my mail and my Whatsapp and the news first thing in the morning is not right for me.
Not that it worsens the day, but good mornings correlate well with a later time for turning on the internet. It’s almost like the thought says - “we’ve fucked up the morning anyway, might as well litter the rest of the day”.
What came as a surprise was that I had also been using phone at mealtime and it had similar impact, if not more. I’ve had this thought before. It’s not usually at the top of mind because it’s not internalised. This time, though, when I was forced to have my lunch without my phone, I could see the difference.
In the mornings I find it difficult to argue with the part of my mind that goes - “maybe there was something important sent overnight which needs my attention”. I don’t know how I will overcome this feeling. Particularly with my wife away and us needing to coordinate more. An inviolable ‘policy’ seems to be the only answer. A system for the mornings, not just for the meals but also for the screens.
For the meals, I need to be more conscious. Improve my relationship with food. That will happen slowly.
Until then, a healthy disrespect and intentionality towards screens.